it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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