Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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