So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
