im drinking this country out of the recession.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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