He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
