I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize