perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
