If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
