I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
