Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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