Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
