You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
