Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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