The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
