is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
did i walk over a car last night?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
