Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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