just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
