we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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