I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
