The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
