Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
