you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
