we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
