i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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