Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
