fuck your aforementioned shoe
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
