Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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