she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
