Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
