Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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