she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
