It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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