I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
