he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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