Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
