woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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