She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
