Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
