Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
