My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
