I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
