So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
