i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
These tits shall not be calmed
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
