I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
