He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
