I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The beer is more important than you right now.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
