i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize