i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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