You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
