If i come over, it means nothing
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
