im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
