p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
