I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We need to get me chipped asap
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
