Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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