I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Michael Bay diarrhea
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
