so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
