Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
