Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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