I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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