Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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