So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
