I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
