I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
