Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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