I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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