24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
