either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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