Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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