I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
