Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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