the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
