Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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