Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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