Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize