I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
