Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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