We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
