Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
