i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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