So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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