I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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