hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
