She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
