oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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